So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
