And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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