walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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