GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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