I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Less talking, more tequila
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
