I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This baby is an asshole
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
