You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize