He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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