no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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