Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
