He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize