But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
