If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
