So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You may now shotgun with the bride
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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