It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
