just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
my poor anus
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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