You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
