I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When are your genitals available?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
