When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Randomize
