No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
