Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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