You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
