Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize