Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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