I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
