so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
