apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
