you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
