i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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