I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
