even my farts smell like vagina
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
