If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
