i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
