Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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