i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
