I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
