guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
