I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize
