I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
