Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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