Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
