HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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