with your own penis?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
