he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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