their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
