I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
