if only i could text you this smell
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
