Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
