i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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