even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize