is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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