Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There r osticjed everywhere
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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