Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
