:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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