My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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