I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My cat gives me a boner
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
