Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
