Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
