White coat. Heels.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
