Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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