why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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