should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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