Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
