I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think I sprained my soul last night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize