I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
