Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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