dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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