Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize