and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
