You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
