Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
