Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize