I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
