I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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