Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize