I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
